I admit it, I’ve always wanted to be Carrie Bradshaw. Okay, maybe not exactly Carrie Bradshaw in terms of crazy sex life, super high heels, and high fashion in New York City (although I’m sure that, for a short time at least, that would be fun), but the Carrie Bradshaw who sits in a coffee shop in the middle of New York City writing about whatever she feels like at the moment. And getting paid for it!
So today, after finding out that we actually are getting a decent tax refund, I decided that I will pay myself, by sitting in a coffee shop and writing about whatever I feel like at the moment. I also decided I’ve written too many depressing blogs lately, and that I need to envision what I really want for my life. So here it is, I want to be able to sit in a coffee shop, writing, and get paid for it. There, I said it. But, the question is, what do I want to write?
I already have one novel written (for middle-grade readers) although I still have to find a publisher. I have several others started, although they seem to have stalled out as I face this complex search for a new job, a new career, and a new life. And in this blog you can see several attempts at poetry (although definitely not my best). I used to want to be a journalist, but is that even an option now, with newspapers and magazines suffering along with the rest of the economy? I’m writing this blog, but where will that lead? I doubt very much that I will be the next writer of Julie & Julia merely based on blog posts (although I won’t deny that the fantasy of that is there). Who wouldn’t like to be discovered unexpectedly, just based on the random thoughts she places in a blog? I’ve imagined being discovered in so many moments of my life . . . but that’s a rare occurence of course, and I recognize that hard work is the more likely road to success.
But, then again, the unanswerable question for me is how do I define success? Do I have to be published and become a recognizable name? Or can I ever be satisfied simply doing good work and being acknowledged by my peers? I can’t answer that question at the moment, because I haven’t allowed for the possibility that I am successful in my life already. Is that because I strive for perfection, which I can never achieve? Or am I allowing an outside definition of success to dictate who I am and what I become?
I think that, here and now, I want to create my own definition of success. One that applies to me, and makes me feel proud of who I am regardless of where I am and what others say. So, from now on my definition of success includes sitting in a coffee shop, writing! Hey, look at that, I’m successful!