This is one of THOSE days.
It started at 12:00 AM when I found myself still lying awake in bed, unable to calm the tumultuous thoughts warring for attention inside my brain, and shooting through my body to create aches from hair to toenail.
Of course, none of the thoughts seemed worth writing about.
A late night shower, and I finally fall asleep. But morning comes too swiftly for me to feel any rest.
First comes the daughter apologizing for her inability to force the baby tooth out of her mouth that the dentist insisted was supposed to be out by yesterday.
Then comes the missing library book, that has evaporated into thin air or been sucked into the vortex of lost things that this tiny house somehow encapsulates. That leads to a crying fest of self-blame, “I should have found it this weekend, I should have . . . I could have . . . ” Whining and crying, but no actual helping or moves to get dressed.
I want to hide under the covers and scream or cry. I want to be able to pour words onto a page in a brilliant purging of emotion and sound that becomes my best writing yet.
But I have nothing.
So I sit down to write, hoping to find the zen of words that I mentioned a few days ago. I stare at the screen, looking for inspiration. I look at the Daily Digest from the Post a Day 2011 Challenge, hoping for a spark. I read a list of inspirational quotes.
Nothing.
I click around my computer aimlessly, wondering where motivation comes from. Wondering where my favorite authors get their ideas. Wondering if they ever have nothing to say.
Still nothing.
I know I have to write now. It’s not that I have a looming deadline or anything. I’ve just fallen into a pattern of the day, and if I don’t write now I will be hard on myself for the rest of the day. I’m already being hard enough.
Still nothing.
I’m supposed to do an interview for the newspaper in a little over an hour. Someone suggested they write about me as interesting profile in the community. How can I be interesting if I have absolutely nothing to say or cannot write a single word? I have to write something!
So, I sit down and write this.
It is something, I guess.
And yet I still feel empty. Wordless. Silent.
Some days writing is really, really hard.
What do you do?
Jan 25, 2011 @ 07:51:18
Gosh, you take me back with the reluctant tooth and missing library book stories. Frustrating, exhausting, but fleeting. My oldest son lives a six-hour drive away. The second lives a seven-hour drive away. My daughter is only two hours northeast. And my baby is in town, in college, soon to fly away on his own I suspect.
Emphasis on fleeting.
Jan 25, 2011 @ 08:02:19
Thank you for that gentle reminder that I need to cherish every moment, no matter how whiney.
Jan 25, 2011 @ 09:31:29
I suggest you not worry or stress over it. Relax, meditate….something will come.
Jan 25, 2011 @ 09:32:11
Thanks. I’m trying to breathe.
Jan 25, 2011 @ 10:22:01
Those days are tough! When I first started blogging, I would hit a wall, shut off the computer, and before I knew it, I hadn’t blogged in several weeks. For me, the most important thing is just writing. Writing anything is a good stretch for your brain, and soon enough something will come! If it is any consolation, I find your writing about not having anything to write pretty darn interesting!
Jan 25, 2011 @ 10:28:31
Thanks Tori,
Your words are always helpful as are your posts that always make me smile. My perceived inability to be coherent this morning led to a really lame comment on your most recent post. But, I will add to that here, I think you should take over reality tv! Tori rules the world.
Jan 25, 2011 @ 23:27:26
when writing is hard… then you wrote
this inspires alot!!
I hope you feel better now
Love and light
Jan 26, 2011 @ 07:26:25
In some ways I feel better. I’m glad I didn’t give up.