Maybe I should have seen it coming. Even when she was an infant, the bond with her wasn’t instantaneous like some mothers claim. Of course I thought she was beautiful and precious, but I didn’t fall in instant love. To be honest, with this little bundle of squirms brought with her joy, terror, and a form of torture I could never have imagined. Seriously, if the government wants to pry secrets out of someone they should just have them spend time raising a newborn with all the sleep deprivation and exhaustion attached.
The first person she fell in love with was her Daddy. She came out of the womb, she heard his voice, and she smiled. She is still Daddy’s Little Girl.
Tiny Sarah
She needed me though. For the milk. For comfort. During the day, she wouldn’t nap unless she fell asleep on top of me. It made for some difficult times, but at the same time it was wonderful.
Only eight years have passed and she has already decided that she doesn’t need me. She wants to spend time with anyone but me. I don’t know where I went wrong, but it seems that I never offer enough fun or stimulation or frivolity to satisfy her. Despite the fact that she does fun things with me all the time, I’m never enough.
And now I am alone with her for the next six weeks. I was hoping it would bring us closer, but it seems like my 8-year-old is going on 18 right before my eyes.
I didn’t think this would happen so soon.
May 28, 2011 @ 14:32:08
They come back to their mother when they are women. Hang tough friend.
May 28, 2011 @ 14:34:12
Oh, I feel your pain. I could have written this post. My oldest is now 14. She is so much like her dad, and I tend to annoy the heck out of her. The cool thing is that we have identical senses of humor, and we are enjoying that in rare moments as she matures. When she doesn’t want to kill me. Hang in there. She loves you.
May 28, 2011 @ 14:42:26
My mother could have written this post about me when I was younger. I misunderstood her hurt and loneliness as seperation and dislike. Once I was old enough to start caring more for my parents’ feelings, and less just about my own, I realized how she must have felt, too. Like the others said, hang in there. Your child loves you. Never give up on her and she’ll never let you down.
Blessings,
Jessica
May 28, 2011 @ 15:58:23
Our first granddaughter has just been born and I have already decided make the most of the first 7-8 yrs and anything past that would be a bonus.
Fortunately, I had a grat bond with my kids until they started senior school, but then there was not so much pressure on them to grow up so fast as there is today. Parents now are def not cool.
In Portugal it is great to see families, all generations enjoying a meal together at a local restaruant or a dance in the local square. There seems to be a greater acceptance. The Portuguese seem to be very family orientated and I admire that.
PiP
May 28, 2011 @ 17:43:43
bless your days.
cherish your time with your off springs………….
May 28, 2011 @ 21:13:49
I’m sorry you’re having a rough time with her right now, Lisa. But, as the others have said, I’ll echo: hang in there. If she seems distant, it is only because she is trying to strike out her own independence (I think it’s tougher on the mother-daughter relationship than on the father-daughter one because girls want to try to figure out how they’re unique from their mothers). She will return to you. And if you spend this time now demonstrating how you are constant and how you always offer unconditional love, the reunion will be a celebration instead of a trauma.
Trust me on this. My mom and I have been reuniting more and more over the past year, and I really love that she has never held my teenage years against me. Sarah will love that about you, too.
May 29, 2011 @ 09:52:58
I expected it when she became a teen, but 8 is simply too soon. I know it will be all right.
May 29, 2011 @ 02:02:03
I’m so sorry. It seems that most of the time we mothers have children with personalities very different from our own, and what we have the most (to parent with) is an arsenal full of the things we needed and wanted from our own mothers, that we didn’t get. Our own kids, especially our daughters, always seem to need something else, and because they’re young, they can’t really explain it. It’s no consolation, but it happens in one way or another to most of us. Amy Tan is so good at capturing how these differences can create gulfs between us, especially in The Kitchen God’s Wife.
Patience is one of the best things we can give our kids when we don’t know what they want. That and, as I wrote in my post for my daughter’s birthday on May 4th, listening more than we talk. Others have said here, that it’ll get better when Sarah grows up. I agree. It might help to know part of what my daughter wrote in my mother’s day card this year: “I want you to speak just as much as you listen — and know that I’m listening whether you think I am or not.” She’s twenty-five now. It does get better. Hang in there.
May 29, 2011 @ 09:52:31
Tears pouring down my face. You never fail to make me cry. Thank you.
May 29, 2011 @ 09:12:40
Oh, the phases kids go through are just cruel. I’ll tell you, I shunned my mom is spurts growing up, at 10 and maybe 16, but she will always need you, always. Soon she’ll be old enough to understand that
Keep your head up, Miss Thang!
May 29, 2011 @ 09:50:22
Today is a better day, and we reached a point of agreement again yesterday. But 8 years old is simply too early for this stuff. :p
May 29, 2011 @ 15:01:44
Don’t give up. Meet her on her terms. If you don’t push too hard and alienate her, she’ll be back. She’ll always need you.
May 29, 2011 @ 15:48:35
I was very much like Sarah, Lisa–I was Daddy’s girl. But when things get really rough, we always need our moms. It’s the moms we always look toward for comfort.
May 29, 2011 @ 19:10:06
Yesterday was a challenge since neither of us could seem to get or give comfort.
May 29, 2011 @ 21:58:11
Hang in there, my friend! I’m thinking about you————–
Hugs,
Kathy
May 31, 2011 @ 23:03:14
I know this and live this! You must, must, must blow this off and do not let it shake you. Mother/Daughter relationships are complicated things. Young girls will play favorites and be dramatic. They never love you any less, they just get caught up in playing games. Trust in who you are as a mother. Get up, dust yourself off and be patient. She will come around and when she does…expect more drama.
Jun 01, 2011 @ 06:51:04
Thanks, it helps to hear from someone who is also living it. I think it is also hard because we just began our six week stint of only mother/daughter time (as my husband is in Iowa for the summer and we won’t be joining him until July). That means we don’t really get any breaks from each other, although we function better when we do.