Insomnia struck at 3:30 am after a fitful sleep before that.
Simply a result of overindulgence?
It would have been convenient if I was one of the
crazy thrifty multitudes who choose to line up outside stores for the early openings and buying frenzy known as Black Friday, but I’m not.
Instead it was a reflection of something more. When denied sleep I buried myself in the beauty of tragic love past, reading Jane Eyre for the first time in many years and relishing every dramatic throb of love torn asunder. Finally, I thought I could go back to sleep only to find myself crying convulsively, waking Nathan with wracking sobs.
Why would a day filled with laughter, smiles and thanks bring on this insuppressible sadness?
Because amidst the celebration I saw my mother’s eyes tear up when Sarah interviewed her and asked two important questions:
- “What are you thankful for?” Answer: “That all my loved one’s are here together.”
- “If you could have one wish, what would it be?” Answer: “That Papa would get better.”
You see, in the cacophony of voices, telling jokes, sharing stories, there was one gaping hole of silence sitting to my left. My Dad, who used to be the life of the party, now caught in the trap of Alzheimer’s would only interject in discomfort or annoyance if we pushed him too hard to eat.
The silence is heartbreaking.
The day, overall was joyous. Sarah’s excitement and enthusiasm for interviewing everybody was contagious. The food delicious. The laughter and conversation scintillating.
It’s been a long time since my family sat down together for a meal, followed by playing games together.
All in all a wonderful day that I will always be thankful for, and that I believe Sarah will hold in her memory.
Still, for me, a joyous day tinged with a little sadness.