Starting to load up the table
Insomnia struck at 3:30 am after a fitful sleep before that.
Simply a result of overindulgence?
It would have been convenient if I was one of the crazy thrifty multitudes who choose to line up outside stores for the early openings and buying frenzy known as Black Friday, but I’m not.
Instead it was a reflection of something more. When denied sleep I buried myself in the beauty of tragic love past, reading Jane Eyre for the first time in many years and relishing every dramatic throb of love torn asunder. Finally, I thought I could go back to sleep only to find myself crying convulsively, waking Nathan with wracking sobs.
Why would a day filled with laughter, smiles and thanks bring on this insuppressible sadness?
Because amidst the celebration I saw my mother’s eyes tear up when Sarah interviewed her and asked two important questions:
- “What are you thankful for?” Answer: “That all my loved one’s are here together.”
- “If you could have one wish, what would it be?” Answer: “That Papa would get better.”
You see, in the cacophony of voices, telling jokes, sharing stories, there was one gaping hole of silence sitting to my left. My Dad, who used to be the life of the party, now caught in the trap of Alzheimer’s would only interject in discomfort or annoyance if we pushed him too hard to eat.
Note my tongue sticking out, a habit I got from my Dad
The silence is heartbreaking.
The day, overall was joyous. Sarah’s excitement and enthusiasm for interviewing everybody was contagious. The food delicious. The laughter and conversation scintillating.
It’s been a long time since my family sat down together for a meal, followed by playing games together.
Love this image with Mom joining in the fun.
All in all a wonderful day that I will always be thankful for, and that I believe Sarah will hold in her memory.
Sarah got the big end of the wishbone. I hope all her wishes come true.
Still, for me, a joyous day tinged with a little sadness.
Most photo's taken by Steve, also known as Taochild
Nov 25, 2011 @ 10:30:23
Once again our thoughts run in the same line, though I have not put mine into words yet (and am not sure I will this time). Great day overall!!
Nov 25, 2011 @ 12:03:16
Actually, not that surprising since you were at the same celebration AND your pictures captured the melancholy more powerfully than my words could express.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 10:33:12
It looks like you had a nice time. Hope it wasn’t bittersweet.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 12:03:53
Overall the day was joyful, but the sadness remains.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 14:39:28
Oh, Lisa, you got me here. The combination of your words and Taochild’s photos are powerful. Particularly the last one: both in the same home, both doing this life thing together, but at a distance that wasn’t always there. I’m glad that everyone was able to celebrate and share some family fun. I experienced the mainly, but not entirely, happy family gathering a number of times before my dad passed away. I was grateful for those moments, but what had changed was on everybody’s minds. Thank you for sharing this.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 16:07:06
I guess it is something that happens as our parents get older, but adds such profound complexity to family gatherings. (When family gatherings can already be so complex).
Nov 25, 2011 @ 15:02:43
I was feeling the warmth and love just looking at these family photos, but I understand your tinge of sadness. I do understand. A big hug for you. Sarah was the life of the party, wasn’t she?
Nov 25, 2011 @ 16:05:47
I think it helps being the only child and the only grandchild; she gets to be the center of attention at every family gathering.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 20:49:03
I’ve also experienced the melancholy difficult illnesses can bring to holiday celebrations. I’m glad you have family around you who understand, and friends here who listen and care. I hope that in the midst of the difficult feelings, you find more and more of those sweet moments that balance them.
Nov 26, 2011 @ 11:15:46
I guess all we can do is continue to look for the sweetness of life, no matter what comes our way.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 22:41:04
As I read your post I thought of my brother and his family. My niece has a fatal disease and this will most likely be the last holiday season they will have with her. We pray for a miracle knowing that we must accept God’s will in this. Still these are bittersweet days.
In sadness, as in joy, we are not alone. We are blessed with family while they are here and when they are in our memories.
Nov 26, 2011 @ 11:14:54
Holidays are so often times when the sadness of potential loss seems to come more clearly into focus. Sending positive energy toward your niece and your family.
Nov 27, 2011 @ 18:19:13
I can relate to you waking up sobbing after Thanksgiving. I have felt so emotionally drained after spending the holiday with my parents. It’s almost like the hole my mother leaves with her presence and lack of presence is black hole sucking the very life out of me.
Blessings to you.
Sally
Nov 28, 2011 @ 07:37:24
I’m sorry you had an emotionally draining holiday, mine wasn’t quite draining, just emotional. Hugs. Lisa