Some days I want to be alone, to sit in the silence of my thoughts and hear the echoes of my dreams.
On other days, though, loneliness overwhelms me. Instead of relishing the silence I yearn for discussions with good friends. Instead of walking alone, and listening to the rhythm of my footsteps, I miss my friend Heidi and our long walks where we talked about everything from literature to parenting, from friendship to men, from travel to dreams, from problems to solutions.
Some days being alone is a blessing. I can dress how I want, do what I want, listen to music or not, watch television or not. I can write, I can paint, I can walk, I can think. I can clean the house (or not). I can get a sense of accomplishment (or not). I can go wherever I care to go, or simply stay home snuggled under the covers with a good book.
On other days my loneliness consumes me, making me reach for the food that is bad for me, or watch movies I have watched a million times before. Books become a defense mechanism, building an armor with other people’s words around the fact that I have no words myself. Or if I have words, nobody to share them with.
“We read your words!” Blogging friends say, and that helps defeat the loneliness, but sometimes I wish for a connection beyond the computer screen. Where are the people who have met me in person, and know me beyond the written word? Some of them read, few of them respond, so I build relationships with virtual friends through the sharing of my thoughts and stories, and yet still loneliness overtakes me.
Words alone are not enough.
I need to perfect the art of being alone.
Image by Steve Kramer. Link to his post, "In (future) Memoriam . . . me"
Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:08:39
Wow, powerful. I have no words really but today I feel the same way.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:09:56
Thanks, Vicky. In a strange way that makes me feel a little less lonely, knowing that other’s feel the same way.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:28:17
At times, being alone is wonderful, for all the reasons you wrote: you can do what you want, be what you want, wear/not wear, eat/not eat….you can just be. But then, loneliness sets in, and that is far different than being alone. I’m tired of loneliness.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 11:01:25
Me too. Very tired.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:30:25
Sometimes I feel like the bloggers are the only ones that get it because they are the only ones that I release full feelings to.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 11:01:08
You are probably right, but sometimes don’t you wish we could meet in person and talk about things instead of just writing about them?
Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:46:36
Lisa, you may not have perfected the art of being alone, but you’ve perfected the art of writing. This is so beautifully written and it’s something I can relate to because I spend 95% of my time alone. But I’ve grown into it over these past five years since I got divorced. I enjoy being alone now and I revel in my freedom. But back to your writing. If being alone is what it takes to write like you, then it’s worth every lonely second.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 11:00:14
J.P. That is, perhaps, the nicest, sweetest, and most encouraging thing you could have said to me today. Thank you. Thank you, also, for sharing a tiny bit of your story in such an encouraging way.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:48:40
Beautiful post! And beautiful picture. I have felt this way before, but I feel my life is pretty full now. At home I spend a lot of time alone while my husband is at work, but being in nature, somehow I don’t feel lonely. I should also write something about this. I am going to try to get back into my blog.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 10:59:01
I hope you do come back to your blog. I’ve missed you.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 11:02:04
I love the photo! I would love more quiet days. I’m looking forward to a day of nothing. Right now, I’m online to procrastinate all the Valentines projects the school assigned we parents. (ugh.) I used to love all that stuff…now there are so many rules and “assignments”
I guess that’s why I blog. The only rules I need to follow are my own!
My blog can be the way I want, can say what I want, design the way I choose.
There is nothing wrong with alone time. However, if you feel lonely then maybe you you might want to check into a volunteer organization? You only dedicate the amount of time you want. I’m sure it will fulfil you in ways you never imagined. Or, arrange 1 event kind of thing…like a Blood drive. I’m in charge of finding our small group a community project. I’m going to pitch a blood drive for the American Red Cross…
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
Lake Forest, CA
Feb 08, 2012 @ 15:15:58
I hear what you are saying Sandi, but I still struggle. I have volunteered a lot since the move, but I’m also in this place where I feel like all I do is volunteer and never get paid for my abilities. I know, volunteering is for the good of others and serves a different purpose. I’m just in a very low point right now and will have to struggle out of it slowly. Thanks for your insight though.
Lisa
Feb 08, 2012 @ 11:36:36
Lisa, I struggle with the same thing. I am a people person who’s gotten better at being alone. On some level, I resent how the connectedness of the computer makes people lazy about getting together in real life. I try to combat this by actively reaching out to the people I want to see as much as I can. I have a standing lunch date once a week with one of my closest friends. We invite people over for dinner pretty regularly. I am a member of a Rotary Club to get out and mingle in a non-working, volunteering kind of way. All of those things have helped me combat the seeping loneliness that can happen from choosing to write. It’s a lonely business that, for some reason, I am compelled to keep trying to do.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 15:17:42
I think part of the problem is I am still so new to the area. I don’t have any really close friends here, yet, for those once a week dates. But I do have a lunch date coming up, and last week I spent most of Saturday with a high school friend who lives about an hour away. I’m sure my loneliness will pass, if I could really focus on some projects. It usually does.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 14:29:32
Wish we lived closer, Lisa, so we could hang out again. Meeting once is certainly not enough, is it?
Hugs,
Kathy
Feb 08, 2012 @ 15:17:56
Not enough by far.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 15:39:20
Solitude gets mixed reviews by me, too. Sometime I like it, sometimes I don ‘t. Blogging connects but it cannot give a hug or dry a tear or hear a deep belly laugh either.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 17:46:14
This is a beautiful post Lisa, the writing conveys all the loneliness you are feeling. I almost felt like I could hear a wolf howling away in the distance – the picture you painted was so evocative!
I long for the alone time you have, but I don’t miss the loneliness of being alone & remember it all to well. I agree with you – I think sometimes the blogs & FB, etc. give the illusion to others they are reaching out to us. But we are still alone for the remainder of the hours.
My husband and I are living in our third province & our 4th city in the last 10 years & I find it very hard at this age to make new friends. When we first arrived here we joined a bowling league to meet new people in the area. Perhaps something like this would help you get to know others in your new area?
Please know you can always reach out to your fellow bloggers, we’re here for you when you feel lonely . . .
Feb 08, 2012 @ 18:19:44
Thanks Lynda. Something like a bowling league would be cool, if I bowled. Maybe a dance class or something. I don’t know anymore.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 10:03:22
Do whatever makes you happy. Join a walking club or yoga or bingo or . . . At least you would get out of the house & there is always the chance of meeting someone. Best of luck!
Feb 08, 2012 @ 17:48:02
There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is, as you say, an art, and something that can be of great value, especially to a creative mind. One can be quite alone yet not lonely at all. That is a testament to how much you value and respect YOURSELF. On the flip side, one can be surrounded by people all the time, yet quite lonely. That is evidence of no true connection to the people you are surrounded by. So does loneliness require the actual bodies of the people that we connect most with? Is being lonely fixed by not being alone? I too am often lonely for physical contact with people, but I think for me anyway it is more about the actual physical stimulation that it provides then comfort of the soul. Sometimes I am quiet content to be alone too.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 18:18:36
I sometimes enjoy alone time. But right now I am lonely for contact with people, and for feeling like there is a reason to get dressed in the morning.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 10:58:41
Getting dressed is way overrated!!
Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:46:32
But it makes you feel good sometimes.
Feb 08, 2012 @ 23:31:43
Lisa – this spoke to me. I loved your writing with lucidity about the ups and downs of being physically on your own. I’ve struggled socially in my two most recent moves. I do love my alone time, but need a healthy balance, too. It will come but that makes it no less difficult while you feel lonely.
(I commented a couple of times on Monday but I suspect my name didn’t come through.)
Feb 09, 2012 @ 08:57:13
I wonder what happened to your Monday comments.
It makes me feel a little less lonely to know that I’m not alone in how I feel. 
Feb 08, 2012 @ 23:35:35
I love the photo to this entry because it is very peaceful. I can relate to what you have written. You have written about me; but, this is your story and I hear you.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 08:56:23
You should check out all the photos on Steve’s photo blog. He has an amazing eye. http://taochildseyes.wordpress.com/
I think this story is about many of us, honestly. Thank you for hearing me.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 11:00:13
Thanks for the shout out, and the kind words!
Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:46:13
Anytime.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 00:12:41
I spend a lot of time trying to avoid loneliness. I also need my time alone but I kind of hate myself for it because I also crave connection.
Your phrase, “I need to perfect the art of being alone” made me a little sad, though. It implies that we need to learn to be a whole person by ourselves. And I would say that we need to *realize* that we are whole people, by ourselves.
I don’t know if that makes any difference to you, but it’s something to think about.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 08:53:55
If there is one thing I learned about myself in Slovakia is that I do not see myself the way other people see me. So, you are right in that I need to realize that I am whole even when alone. You, however, need to recognize that a desire to be alone is not something to hate about yourself. We can definitely learn from each other.
Miss you Isa.
<3