Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is unknown. Who am I today?
Yesterday, loneliness swallowed me whole, leaving me cowering under my fuzzy purple blanket, damp and heavy with tears. I hid behind words’ some that I wrote myself, some written in the blogosphere, other’s written by a writer I love. I read, and dreamed, and read, and thought, and read, and cried. My loneliness roared, unabated, but I had no ammunition but to feel it and live in it.
Fuzzy purple blanket in a sunbeam. Since I left it there, I suspect I will find a dog on it soon.
Tomorrow looms with unknown potential. I will teach my class tomorrow. I’m sure I will write some words tomorrow. I will exercise and journal and try to write myself right. I will step on the scale, only to become frustrated with the slowness of the change of numbers, but knowing I have tried my best and worked hard this week. The tomorrows beyond tomorrow yawn forward with latent possibilities, unknown challenges, and a life yet undiscovered.
All I have is today. Who am I today? Today I strap on my teacher cap, to grade and plan for tomorrow’s class. Today I meet a person from my past. A friend? A competitor? Someone I envy but shouldn’t. Someone who has achieved what I couldn’t. But I will meet her for lunch, with a smile on my face open to whatever happens as we talk. Today, I face who I was, and recognize who I am now. For after all, I can only be the person I am right now. I can only live one day at a time, because I cannot plan for an unknown future.
Who am I today? I am me, and that is good enough.
Update:
Black dog stretched out on fuzzy purple blanket. 
Feb 09, 2012 @ 10:12:00
Love that last line. Words to live by. We don’t know what tommorrow will bring but we can live for today. I hope to feel the way you do. Good luck for your lunch.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 10:13:11
I hope you are you. I sure you will be good enough, if not greater than good. I’m sure as sure as a dog will ask for food when the phone rings.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 10:24:56
This is the reason we are given only one day at a time: it is truly all we can handle in this ongoing assignment we are given to understand who we are and what is our purpose in the cosmos. We get to shape our contribution. We have permission to work it out or not. We can live a whole life refusing the journey. Thumb suck our way, shlepping to the finish line, missing the exhilaration of the run. You, dear heart, vibrate with the exquisite response to every single step, missing nothing of the landscape you traverse. You feel it. Loneliness is only one aspect as you run your race. That you hold it all up for each of us to experience is your unshrinking gift to your audience. I marvel at your willingness to share it at the level you do. From your experience we all learn. Hang in. The treasure is that tomorrow is another day, Scarlett, and another after that until all our numbered days are done. Maximize and cherish them all.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 10:32:03
It certainly is more than good enough!
Feb 09, 2012 @ 12:39:46
That is, indeed, good enough–and then some! Hope you enjoy your lunch!
Hugs,
Kathy
Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:45:59
It was fun, and I didn’t overeat either. Two thumbs up!
Feb 09, 2012 @ 12:52:02
That is more than good enough. Things are moving in the right direction for you. Keep going.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:45:35
I think I can, I think I can, choo choo!
Feb 09, 2012 @ 13:50:03
I’m pretty good at being me. I don’t think anyone else can be better at it… We are all unique individuals and should celebrate us no matter what kind of day we are having or direction we are heading. Regardless of the various moods, we are sharing this world, impacting others daily. (Hopefully, it’s a positive impact. That’s what I strive for daily. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail…but I don’t stop trying.)
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
Lake Forest, CA
Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:45:08
Amen, Sandi.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 14:33:35
Glad to hear a more positive note in your blog today. You go ahead & be the best you you can be! After all, who else would you be? And learning to be the best is great practise.
Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:44:50
Being me . . .
Feb 09, 2012 @ 21:37:15
“Today, I face who I was, and recognize who I am now.” Perfection. I think I desperately needed to read this post today
Feb 10, 2012 @ 08:01:54
I’m glad it touched you.