I found myself sitting in the theater earlier, watching the bustle on stage–the carpenters added some finishing touches, the electricians fixed lights and added practicals, the props person decorated the set–and I found tears building behind my eyes and sneaking a trail down my cheeks.
I miss making the magic of theatre. I have always loved tech. I love watching the disparate elements of a show, with all the work behind them, coming together to make the magical whole that the audience sees. But lately, between politics and lack of support the competition and the frustration, I’ve lost some of that joy. I miss working on a challenging project and creating a supportive company of cast and technicians who all feel the joy and the love of the work.
I am surrounded by people doing that right now, but I am disconnected and so the sadness builds.
I yearn for a project that I truly believe in, and for the feeling of creating something that has meaning and touches audience and participants in some way.
As confused as I have been lately, my tears today have shown me that I am not yet done with theatre, I just have to find a new way to make it my home.