“I’m sorry, but the number you have reached has been disconnected.”
Have you ever felt like there was a complete disconnect between your brain and your reality?
Today I seem to be wandering in a fog of disconnection. I don’t know the cause. It could be one of any number of things:
- the shift in the weather (from broiling 100+ to a downright comfortable 80 degrees, but with thunderstorms attached);
- the numerous days of uncomfortable, back-breaking sleep in beds that come right out of Goldilocks (this bed is too hard, this bed is too soft, where is the one that’s JUST RIGHT?)
- the search for identity that seems to occur every time I set foot on this lot
- or simply a disconnect that has to happen once in a while.
How does the disconnect work? Well, it seems like ideas pop into my head and then get stuck before they can be put on the page, the stage, or anywhere in the universe. Sometimes my body wants to do one thing, but my brain does not want to cooperate. Sometimes words come out of my mouth but seem to float in the ether, rather than make contact with anyone else’s ears. Take this morning for example:
Nathan: Who did you pick up yesterday? What are the names of Michael’s wife and daughter?
Me: (just waking up) Um . . . Kimberly and um . . . I can’t think of her name right now. I forget.
Nathan: OK, but what is the daughter’s name?
Me: I JUST SAID I DON”T REMEMBER!
Nathan: Oh, yeah . . . sorry.
Conversations like this happen all the time. Either I don’t speak loudly enough, or there is a disconnect between the words that come out of my mouth and the words people hear.
It’s funny that, just as I begin thinking about the connections we make in our world I feel more disconnected with myself, my work, and the life that seems to swirl around me as I wade through unable to touch or be touched.
Do you ever feel completely disconnected? What do you do to reconnect?
Freaky side note, as I just went to place tags on this post, one of the recommended tags is “Borderline personality disorder”. Did I just get psychoanalyzed by a WordPress App? I’m not sure how I feel about that, but hey . . . maybe I should just go with the flow. Thoughts?