I just found out that someone here really does not like me, and has warned her daughter to stay away from me.
I’ve never had this happen before. I mean, I’m sure people have not liked me, but I’ve never had children warned away from me.
I think it comes from a moment last summer when I was walking the dogs with Sarah and this girl. They asked if they could hold the leashes and I let them. Then someone stopped to discuss something with me, and the girls got too far ahead. Some smaller dogs came out, my dogs got away, and chaos ensued.
So now, it seems, my dogs have been labeled as bad dogs and I am a bad, untrustworthy parent.
I know I made a mistake, but it was an accident. Or am I supposed to be perfect all the time?
Anyone who meets my dogs would know that they are sweet, gentle souls. They just have power and like chasing little critters. In other words, they are dogs.
But this isn’t about my dogs. It’s about me.
I don’t like being disliked. It leads me down a dark path. I start searching for what I did wrong. I start blaming myself. I start disliking myself, because of course it must be my fault.
Even though I know that sometimes people simply do not connect, for reasons beyond understanding. In the same way, I know that sometimes the opposite can happen, when you meet someone and feel an instant connection with that person. Friendship forms in a few moments of time.
That just happened this past weekend too.
Why can’t I focus on that rather than on the negative relationships? I think it stems from the insecurity I’ve faced all my life, when I’ve always felt like I was on the fringe of groups, never truly belonging. It stems from my struggle to not worry about how others view me. It stems from my inability to truly love myself.
I recognize that as a problem that I am slowly changing. It is not easy, but I will succeed.
Call me corny but today I need a little positive message from Whitney Houston (RIP).