I just found out that someone here really does not like me, and has warned her daughter to stay away from me.
I’ve never had this happen before. I mean, I’m sure people have not liked me, but I’ve never had children warned away from me.
Ever.
I think it comes from a moment last summer when I was walking the dogs with Sarah and this girl. They asked if they could hold the leashes and I let them. Then someone stopped to discuss something with me, and the girls got too far ahead. Some smaller dogs came out, my dogs got away, and chaos ensued.
So now, it seems, my dogs have been labeled as bad dogs and I am a bad, untrustworthy parent.
I know I made a mistake, but it was an accident. Or am I supposed to be perfect all the time?
Anyone who meets my dogs would know that they are sweet, gentle souls. They just have power and like chasing little critters. In other words, they are dogs.
Smiling puppies.
But this isn’t about my dogs. It’s about me.
I don’t like being disliked. It leads me down a dark path. I start searching for what I did wrong. I start blaming myself. I start disliking myself, because of course it must be my fault.
Even though I know that sometimes people simply do not connect, for reasons beyond understanding. In the same way, I know that sometimes the opposite can happen, when you meet someone and feel an instant connection with that person. Friendship forms in a few moments of time.
That just happened this past weekend too.
Kimberly, Harper and Sarah. New friendships formed in the car and in the pool.
Why can’t I focus on that rather than on the negative relationships? I think it stems from the insecurity I’ve faced all my life, when I’ve always felt like I was on the fringe of groups, never truly belonging. It stems from my struggle to not worry about how others view me. It stems from my inability to truly love myself.
I recognize that as a problem that I am slowly changing. It is not easy, but I will succeed.
Call me corny but today I need a little positive message from Whitney Houston (RIP).
Jul 11, 2012 @ 13:47:50
There is no accounting for some folk Lisa. There are lots of people who do not like me and probably never will but I just accept it and give it no thought. Stand tall and move on to the positives of your life. Someone not liking you is their problem not yours.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 13:50:31
I know that in my brain, but right now my brain doesn’t seem to be in control. I think its the shock of someone not trusting me with their child.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 14:12:34
Lisa, I have to encounter a couple of women to night who always leave me shrieking, “What grade are we in?!?!?” It will probably be the last time I ever have to see either one of them, but I dread it. The games and the silliness are things I just don’t have time for. Just do everything you can to ignore this woman, and stop caring what grade she is in. Some people never mature beyond the age of 14, and those people are not worth another thought.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 14:28:43
I love you Andra!
Jul 11, 2012 @ 18:18:31
I’m always drawn to the ‘whys’ of the negatives I’m accused of because I can’t weigh what I don’t know. Without knowing, I wouldn’t be able to work on something I agree with or banish from my thoughts an erroneous impression that has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with a small or closed mind.
I know it’s important to enjoy the positives, but it’s easy for us to forget their impact because of the gentleness and soothing of the emotions there, at least for me. The positives don’t cry out to be evaluated. They lull like a song.
I’m learning to let go of the negatives other people find in me that I can’t get to the root of because they won’t communicate, bu it’s hard to do.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 18:21:01
Amen, Sister! If I could understand and fix the problem, that would be great, but instead it gnaws away at me because I don’t know what I did. I suppose I could get up the guts to confront the issue head on, but I think that would make things worse rather than better. So I write, and I think, and I take comfort in words like yours.
Jul 11, 2012 @ 20:00:33
Dear, dear Lisa, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve it. Plus, your dogs are precious–way better behaved than my dogs. Sara and I can’t wait to see you next month–and I know Tori is, as well! We love you!
Hugs,
Kathy
Jul 11, 2012 @ 20:12:55
Some people just never grow out of high school. Stand tall Lisa
Jul 11, 2012 @ 20:15:45
there be lotz of stoopid people out thar…don’t let yourself be wigged out by stoopid peoples. They are stoopid for a reason. Leave cookies for them: they’ll still eat them.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 12:40:18
You made me laugh so hard with this comment. I wonder if stupidity could always be cured with cookies?
Jul 12, 2012 @ 00:40:33
I always say I wonder what this poor person went through that they are so …. Empathy, when I can summon it does a world of good! Don’t let people like that get to you!
Jul 12, 2012 @ 12:39:27
I’m working on it, and feeling much better today.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 03:21:45
Everyone’s replies were excellent in their own way. In the past, I handled a very similar situation by confronting the person (politely.) Sometimes it’s best to address these heresay problems–maybe you can reach a solution that allows both families to be more comfortable.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 12:38:50
In a different situation I would probably do that, but the summer theatre is a strange little world where it wouldn’t help anything. It’s actually not the Mom, we can be pleasant to each other. I am just choosing to walk away and ignore it.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 06:42:49
You’ll never be liked by everyone, and you can’t like anyone yourself. They’ll always people who do strange things and make you questions whether you can rely on anyone but yourself. The only way to deal is to realise it’s their problem not yours and you’re better off without them in your life. Don’t let them get you down!
Jul 12, 2012 @ 12:35:36
I’m not, or at least I only did for a moment.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 08:29:52
Sounds like she made sure you knew it, too, which is pretty manipulative and petty. If there was a real problem with the dogs, she should have said something at the time. And it should have been, “Wow, your dogs are really strong. I think I’d be more comfortable if you held the leash and not my daughter when she walks with you and the dogs in the future.” I agree with Andra. This lady sounds like the upper class twit of the 9th grade year.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 11:14:56
That’s the frustrating thing. I’m sure that when the incident happened I talked to her, apologized, and we worked it out. (This was last year so I don’t remember exactly). But now the daughter rolls her eyes in my presence and gives me dirty looks on a regular basis. It’s annoying, but I am choosing to walk away.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 12:25:13
I had to respond to this one! Remember Carol Luke in Brockton and how she believed that I performed some terrible act towards her and her dislike of me made her attack me so viciously that we had to go to court! Well this mother seems to have the same mentality and be thankful that for the moment you are clear of her.
I completely agree with Victoria-writes – wise thought, it is her problem , NOT YOURS! I also think that SmallHouse Big Garden has a good suggestion if you see the moment present itself. You are a Great Mom and Sarah is very fortunate to have the parent’s she has. You know that you have many great friends adult and children and at the moment this person is no more than a speck of dust. Please let it go as soon as possible and love yourself. I certainly do with all my heart!
Jul 12, 2012 @ 12:37:24
Thanks Mom. Luckily this is not nearly as vicious as that. That one was based on pure antisemitism and insanity. This one is just weirdness.
Jul 12, 2012 @ 12:59:43
The fact is that this will soon be forgotten and recalled humerosly or just as a rediculous incident in the past, and something to laugh about in a chat session. Her daughter has a lifetime left to deal with this overprotective weird mother. Look
at what she is teaching her child and guess what kind of an adult she’ll become.
Feel better soon!
Jul 12, 2012 @ 13:04:23
I do already, See my post today and you will see why.
<3
Jul 12, 2012 @ 16:06:25
What an honest post. And what a natural response. Dogs can get us in the worst trouble, can’t they? But aren’t they worth it? Sounds like someone is being overprotective of her child to me…
Jul 12, 2012 @ 16:24:33
That about sums it up.
Jul 13, 2012 @ 08:07:35
I don’t think she should’ve instilled fear in her child.
Jul 13, 2012 @ 10:47:57
Instilling fear in children seems to be a disturbing parental trend nowadays.
Jul 15, 2012 @ 16:43:18
I pushed the “like” button, but do not like it when these feelings come up. I’ve had them at times, too. It’s hard. It’s hard when a part of us wants so much to be liked. I have that part–and then another part that doesn’t care at all. Wishing us both peace with deeply deeply liking ourselves. (If we love ourselves enough, I think, then it won’t matter when people get mean and snippy and unloving.)
Jul 16, 2012 @ 09:02:56
I’m really trying to focus on liking myself at the moment, although some days are harder than others.
Jul 16, 2012 @ 00:08:24
I can totally relate to this post, Lisa, at least in the sense of wanting to be liked and feeling confused when people don’t like me.
I really hope this whole situation blows over. It seems to be stale-dated already, and life can be challenging enough without these petty emotions to deal with! (By the way, your dogs look adorable. You can’t fault them for being dogs and chasing things.)
Jul 16, 2012 @ 09:01:58
Thanks Dana. The situation has become more complicated as the cruelty out of the child’s mouth becomes more disturbing, but I am just trying to ignore it and remind my daughter that she knows me best. I don’t have the energy to try to be liked where I am not wanted anymore.
Jul 16, 2012 @ 05:41:44
That is hard to swallow, and I’m sorry about it. But that woman mishandled it. SHe should have talked to you about her concerns instead of being sneaky, because she made things worse. This is her problem.
I love that Whitney song, it just pumps up hearts.
Jul 16, 2012 @ 08:59:52
It’s gotten even more disturbing now, as the daughter has informed Sarah that I am evil and that Sarah would be much happier if Nathan and I were to divorce. I am also positive the mother and I had a conversation last year, so I just don’t know what to think, except that the child has some major issues and is taking it out on me and my daughter.