I’m having a little bit of an identity crisis at the moment.
I know, I know . . . shocking right? Me, trying to figure out who or what I am?
Well, now I have a new symptom of this confusing identity issue. I no longer have a clue what I am writing.
As you may recall, I am currently in the middle of a course/book writing project. I was determined that I was writing an actual adult novel for a change. It was, for all intents and purposes, a fantasy novel, sort of. Kind of. Maybe. But, then again, as I wrote earlier this summer, I am having trouble labeling the genre of this work. Now, of course, many of you suggested that I just write and worry about genre later. And I agree with that. That was also the advice from my editor/instructor in his most recent letter responding to chapter one. (which he liked, by the way).
But he also wrote:
“If I were writing this story (I understand I’m not), I might change that age bit about young women of 21 to young women of 18, and give some thought to a YA novel. As you know, a hot writing niche right now. I just finished the first story in the Hunger Games trilogy, which confirmed what we both know–this isn’t Nancy Drew any more.”
So much for my writing an adult novel. I mean, I know I don’t have to change it, but when he’s right, he’s right! So, I am now writing a YA novel, but I still have no idea what I am actually writing. Suddenly a romance element has entered the picture, an element that I DO NOT WANT, but it’s creeping in and making me uncomfortable! I am fighting against it, which makes each word a struggle to write.
I guess the book is writing itself and I am just the conduit. Or I simply have lost control of words, my ideas, and my story.
The biggest problem is that every time I try to write now, the doubts creep in and garbage pours out. I know, I know, I just need to let the characters tell the story and figure it all out later.
I just wish I could get out of my own way, and stop fighting myself and my words.
Do you ever find a conflict between what you think you are writing and what you are actually writing? How do your reconcile the two? How do you break through?