Yesterday I got my haircut and Roxanne, my hairdresser, spent a lot of time straightening my hair. While I realize that it looks good that way, I don’t really see myself when I look in the mirror.
“Don’t go back to curly,” my mom said. “Your hair looks so good straight.”
“I don’t have a choice, Mom. It takes a long time to get it this way.” Well, maybe it’s not that long, but I simply don’t have the patience to spend the time needed to make my hair behave everyday.
Now, I know my mom meant her words as a compliment, but it got me to thinking of all the ways I have felt not good enough or somehow inferior throughout my life.
I have an inferiority complex.
Appearance is just one of the areas where I don’t feel up to snuff. I doubt myself and my ability in all aspects of my life.
But today I realized something. I am THANKFUL for my inferiority complex.
Would I like to wake up every day feeling fully confident and like I can take on the world? Sure, who wouldn’t? But, my self-doubts, my questioning, forces me that much harder to improve, to grow, to challenge myself to do better, to strive for perfection.
My inferiority complex also enables me to help others. Although I sometimes feel jealous, I am genuinely happy when I see someone else surpass me to come out on top. perhaps because I don’t believe that I’ll ever really get there. I recognize that I ‘m good at helping others achieve their goals. That’s nothing to feel bad about.
Of course, the question then becomes, what is “top”? What does it mean to be “good enough”? I am starting to revise my own definition of that, and realize that my best can indeed be good enough, even if nobody else sees me that way.
I am not inferior, I am myself.
So today, on a day when people reflect on what it means to be thankful, I want to acknowledge that I am truly thankful for my FLAWS because they have made me who I am today.
And that is someone who is, indeed, good enough. From there, everything can only get better.