Yesterday I got my haircut and Roxanne, my hairdresser, spent a lot of time straightening my hair. While I realize that it looks good that way, I don’t really see myself when I look in the mirror.
Early morning hair this morning, still straight but the curls are trying to come back.
“Don’t go back to curly,” my mom said. “Your hair looks so good straight.”
“I don’t have a choice, Mom. It takes a long time to get it this way.” Well, maybe it’s not that long, but I simply don’t have the patience to spend the time needed to make my hair behave everyday.
This is what I’m usually dealing with.
Now, I know my mom meant her words as a compliment, but it got me to thinking of all the ways I have felt not good enough or somehow inferior throughout my life.
I have an inferiority complex.
Appearance is just one of the areas where I don’t feel up to snuff. I doubt myself and my ability in all aspects of my life.
But today I realized something. I am THANKFUL for my inferiority complex.
Would I like to wake up every day feeling fully confident and like I can take on the world? Sure, who wouldn’t? But, my self-doubts, my questioning, forces me that much harder to improve, to grow, to challenge myself to do better, to strive for perfection.
My inferiority complex also enables me to help others. Although I sometimes feel jealous, I am genuinely happy when I see someone else surpass me to come out on top. perhaps because I don’t believe that I’ll ever really get there. I recognize that I ‘m good at helping others achieve their goals. That’s nothing to feel bad about.
Of course, the question then becomes, what is “top”? What does it mean to be “good enough”? I am starting to revise my own definition of that, and realize that my best can indeed be good enough, even if nobody else sees me that way.
I am not inferior, I am myself.
So today, on a day when people reflect on what it means to be thankful, I want to acknowledge that I am truly thankful for my FLAWS because they have made me who I am today.
And that is someone who is, indeed, good enough. From there, everything can only get better.
The imperfect fairy house I built. I think fairies will still love it, don’t you?
Nov 22, 2012 @ 08:49:02
I love that you are embracing your flaws and knowing this helps me, I was hating on myself for being a worrier but rather that than not caring about anything. Thank you Lisa!
Nov 23, 2012 @ 07:09:24
Tori, no self-hate, twin sister form another mother.
Nov 22, 2012 @ 09:07:10
I’m thankful that I have a friend in you, Lisa. We all have flaws, for no one is perfect, no matter what they may think. I try to relax with what I am, as should you. It’s just the outside circumstances that throw things in the air.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Nov 23, 2012 @ 07:08:39
Thank you so much, Stuart. Your words mean a lot. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well. Here’s to moving on embracing our flaws.
Nov 22, 2012 @ 09:49:25
Okay, so the point really isn’t your fabulous hair, but I am going to take it there anyway. All my life I have felt like a curly-haired person in a straight-haired person’s body. Curly heads are fun-loving, creative, sensual, spontaneous.
Whenever I had a perm my mom would always say, “I always wanted a curly-haired daughter.” I envy your wild free-wheeling hair, Lisa. So I am getting a perm. And I don’t care that folks will groan with disdain.
Another thought – is this pressure to straighten curly hair just a fad or a symptom of something else?
Nov 23, 2012 @ 07:07:45
I think it may be a symptom of a society that has learned to think “what I have is never enough” and “the grass is ALWAYS greener.” Think how much happier we would all be if we could just be content with who we are.
Nov 22, 2012 @ 11:19:37
Lisa, so many women would love to have your curly hair!
Nov 23, 2012 @ 07:06:16
Honestly, I’ve always felt like my hair was one of my best (physical assets).I guess you can’t please everyone.
Nov 22, 2012 @ 15:16:40
I can definitely relate to this — I feel like my tendency to blame myself for how other people around me are feeling has actually led me to a lot of exploration of myself and the nature of reality that I might not have been interested in otherwise. In the interest of “making myself feel better,” I feel like I’ve learned a lot, in other words, about what makes me and others tick.
Nov 23, 2012 @ 07:05:31
That’s what I’m trying to do Chris, understand myself and others better. Welcome and thanks for your comment.
Nov 22, 2012 @ 17:32:47
Personally, I think your hair is gorgeous in that picture of you from the back! Dark, auburn-red curls – natural? Who wouldn’t want that? Don’t straighten it! That’s just the fad at the moment! Actually, my mother hated long, straight, straggly hair, so I guess I inherited that feeling. I grew up in the age of perms.
Nov 23, 2012 @ 07:04:35
No totally natural, but very close to my natural color. The occasional straightening is fun, but I usually just let it be what it is. My hair has a mind of its own.
Nov 22, 2012 @ 19:14:38
This is just more evidence that we are distantly related
My core unhelpful thought about myself is “not good enough.” One of my themes recently has been “acceptance and compassion.” Thank you for another positive message to embrace ourselves as we are. Hugs!
Nov 23, 2012 @ 07:03:28
In some ways I think that the “not good enough” syndrome comes from the expectations laid on us by our alma mater. Don’t you?
Hugs right back at you!
Nov 23, 2012 @ 14:28:51
How wonderful to have turned around an inferiority complex into something to be grateful for. It kind of does make you more raw to the world, doesn’t it? And your writing is probably more honest because of it. Next time we’re all feeling inferior, perhaps we’ll remember your attitude, Lisa.
Nov 24, 2012 @ 07:17:32
It’s a challenge and something I’m just learninghow to do.
Nov 23, 2012 @ 16:58:22
A slightly different perspective from someone with straight hair: when you were staying with us this summer, I envied your gorgeous, thick curls. I would kill for hair like yours. Isn’t it funny how we want what we don’t have?
Happy Leftovers Day, my friend.
Hugs,
Kathy
Nov 24, 2012 @ 07:16:26
Thanks, Kathy. I think we all need to learn to be happy for things we do have. That doesn’t mean giving up on dreams, but focusing on the dreams that are doable, not the ones that aren’t worth chasing.
Nov 23, 2012 @ 16:59:10
Plus, curls are so “in” right now–for whatever it’s worth.
Nov 24, 2012 @ 07:15:19
Kathy, I’ll never be “in” as I’ve got my own bizarre style. I’m okay with that.
Nov 25, 2012 @ 15:23:18
I had an epiphany in the grocery store one day . . . I looked at the flawless faces staring vacuously back from the magazine covers and realized that I would NOT want to trade places with them.
I know when people like me that they like me for being “me.” Those flawless faces always have to wonder if they are liked for “who they are” or solely for the way they look.
Striving for perfection means we are always a work in progress.
Nov 25, 2012 @ 15:34:03
I’m all for the work in progress as long as we set realistic goals.
Nov 26, 2012 @ 05:24:10
I can really relate to the hair issue. M y hair is super-thick, super-straight and I can’t do anything with it. I always wanted curls, or even waves, to make it more interesting. Grass is always greener on the other side, I s’pose. I personally love your curls.
Nov 26, 2012 @ 06:50:37
Today my hair looks like an octopus mated with a mop and made my head its home.