Searching for Small Blessings

A house in chaos. A challenging night’s sleep. Ant carcasses all over the floor. An absent partner. A dwindling bank account. Insurance documents that have gone AWOL. Dentist appointments and dance recital photos.

Add them all together, and it feels a little difficult to view the world with gentler eyes. Yet, I am determined.

I sit on my deck listening to the wind, and find a place of peace.

I read the words of Anne Morrow Lindbergh in Gift From the Sea, and find a message of patience:

“To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should like empty, open, choiceless as a beach–waiting for a gift from the sea.”

I search for the moments of blessing from this past week. I suddenly recall I owe belated thanks for two blog awards offered to me this week, despite my disappearance in the blogosphere of late. The first was The Versatile Blogger Award from Zencherry who embraces life with joyous abandon! I always appreciate her comments and her attitude to life. Please go and visit her!

The second award came from Stuart over at bornstoryteller who gave me the One Lovely Blog Award. Stuart and I lead similar lives and face similar struggles as we try to find a way to live our passions and thrive creatively. We even have the same blog design. I am truly grateful for having “met” Stuart and inspired by his work and his passion. Thank you for the award.

Now that I have thanked both of them, and recognized the blessing of being honored by people I admire, I am now going to break the rules by NOT passing the awards on. Why? Because of the journey I am on. I am beginning to recognize the value of focusing on the project and creation, rather than on the numbers and the recognition. I find myself drowning and overwhelmed when I think things like:

• will I ever be published?
• why don’t I have more followers?
• why aren’t my stats higher?
• am I as good a writer as ______?
• why does _________ get so much attention while I don’t?
• why didn’t __________ give that award to me?

Those questions lead only to more chaos.

So, I am choosing not to promote more competition by passing on awards. I try my best to honor quality posts by commenting and linking to them and sometimes even recommending them for Freshly Pressed status. I support my favorite bloggers by visiting them as often as possible, and interacting with them on a regular basis. I cannot choose who is the loveliest or the most versatile or anything else, because I have finally come to the realization that blogging (for me) is not about competition or recognition, but about sharing and writing and challenging myself to improve as a writer, an artist and a person.

This new sense of understanding and clarity is a blessing.

Yesterday, I shared my favorite place, the Botanical Garden with my brother, Steve (who you may know as Taochild). We are both at a place of transition in our lives. We are both seeking to change negatives into positives and reinvent ourselves in a world of confusion. As we walked, I felt joy in myself, because I could walk in such a beautiful place, and I have the ability to change my life even when it is difficult.

As we approached one of my favorite places in the garden, a pond that is home to creatures of all types, I began to listen with my heart. The song of the pond was absolutely amazing. We tried to capture it on Steve’s phone, despite the drone of the lawn mower in the distance and the chatter of people who, of course, decided to stop and talk right behind us.

The first place we listened. The Gazebo lies across the pond.

So we moved into the shelter of the overlooking gazebo, and listened. I pulled out my idea notebook and my journal. I handed him the notebook and said, “Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write about the sounds of nature.”  This is what I wrote:

Sproing

Trill

Chirp

Sproing

Kerro

Flutter

Foghorn

I sit surrounded by communication expressed in a language just beyond my understanding. Frogs calling, spring, kerro, perhaps two species searching for a mate. Birds singing trill, chirp, chatter, peep, flutter– a universe of warnings, beckoning, challenges, celebrations. In the distance, the drone of the lawn mower–human intrusion in a world we don’t own. The giggle of a child. Flutter splash, a bird diving for sustenance or simply resting in the collness of the water. The breeze sings, a low rumble in the ears carrying with it the scents and messages of unknown flowers. I am surrounded by the melodic symphony of silence.

Moments like that are moments of blessing.

As I waited for Steve to finish writing, my mind remained open and alert to the moment and I saw this:

Light reflecting on the water bounces up to dance on the rough-hewn wood of the gazebo. It is a virtual song.

After our walk, we had lunch and ate the MOST DELICIOUS FLAN in the history of the world.

The ability to see, smell, here, taste, touch, experience, wonder, live, breathe, write, sing, dance, hope, and dream all are the true blessings of existence.

Even on dark days, it is possible to find hope.

Giving Out an Award–Weekend Challenge

Sidie, at Viewfromtheside’s Blog always offers a Weekend Challenge. I haven’t been keeping up with them or with the 100 Word Challenge lately, but I am hoping to do that again.

This week’s challenge really intrigued me because she asked us to create an award, but not one that would become part of the almost viral exchange of awards that often happens in this bizarre world. In her words:

“So this weekend it’s NOT a theme, it’s a CHALLENGE to CREATE an award specifically for ONE blogger. For something you think of as a blogging achievement. An exclusive award, given only once to one person.”

Since I recently received an award that I actually earned, I thought I would really like to create an award for somebody who I think does not yet realize or recognize the power of her words. The recipient of this award has two blogs, and never fails to write thought-provoking posts even when she limits herself to 100 words. She also makes incredibly thoughtful comments that add depth to any discussion.

Without further ado, I now present the first and only

to

Drum roll please . . .

Sparks in Shadow.

Sparks, I hope you accept this award and recognize the wonderful power of your words. The best part of the award is that you don’t have to do anything, just bask in the glory of your win.

A Brief Note of Thanks

A quick thank you to Terry at The Incredible Lightness of Seeing who gave me some blogging awards yesterday. I am honored to receive (again) the Versatile Blogger (the image is posted on the right if you would like to see it) as well as two other awards:

Of course, while I am grateful to be recognized I also find a little of the humor in this. For example, I don’t think I’ve ever been described as stylish. I certainly create my own style in everything I do. And, of course, I cannot resist the sweet blog award because I am unable to resist sweets of any form in my life. Well, that’s not true. I’ve been really good lately resisting dessert, so now I will gracefully accept the yummy picture.

Should I be concerned, however, that Terry wrote this as a description of my blog?

“to the ranting of Lisa 
http://lisawieldswords.wordpress.com/about/
 whose blog catapulted me into the postaday2001″

I hope I don’t just rant. But, maybe that is my true talent, a rant a day.

As usual, I am going to break the rules somewhat (although I’m not clear about what the rules are for this one). I am not going to list 7 random facts about myself. Why? Because if you want to learn things about me, read my blog. I write from my truth. Even the few pieces of fiction scattered throughout this blog contain elements of my truth. If there is something specific you would like to know, just ask, either in a comment or send me an e-mail.

I have some favorite bloggers that I have given awards to before, so I’m not going to do that again. Instead I am going to pass this on to a few blogs that I have only discovered recently but enjoy visiting for a variety of reasons.

• Visit Spread Information where the writers (there are several, and they welcome more contributors) show versatility in topics and style, writing posts that make you laugh or make you think (So the Versatile Blogger award is fitting). Yesterday’s post by Madeline Laughs reminded me of the joy of giving and receiving thoughtful gifts because someone cares, not because of the time of year. It was truly a sweet post. And, their layout is classy and stylish. Truly a site worthy of these three awards.

• jgavinallan mostly posts fiction and poetry, so I haven’t really had time to delve into the work. (I find it takes more time to read people’s fiction posts for some reason). But, Jaye never fails to make sweet comments on people’s blogs and what I have read so far is fabulous.

• I literally found Julia’s Blog, Wordsxo a few days ago. But, I am so impressed by her writing and her insightful comments. I look forward to exploring her blog more thoroughly, and hope she accepts this honest award. I think many of you will enjoy and understand her post about writing in the summer from yesterday, as many of us seem to be struggling to find balance this summer. Go, read, enjoy and celebrate her awards.

So there you have it folks . . . another round of awards. I understand if the recipients choose to do nothing with them, but at the same time I hope you will visit these blogs and share the love.

Notes on Nothing, Notes on Everything.

I’m making a double N post today, because the post I just posted about Nathan wasn’t the one I originally started with and because I have been up since 3am but still cannot sleep. I understand if you choose not to read all of my posts. But, to quote a comment from Kaye Peters of Have Coffee . . . Will Write on one of my recent posts, “you’re posting like a woman possessed”. Possessed . . . manic . . . whatever, I’m simply going with the flow right now. So here are a few notes:

More Marsha Norman

“Write what you urgently need to write.” Those were Marsha Norman’s words  when asked if she had ever returned to a work she gave up on. “If it is over two years, don’t try to go back.”

Now, of course she was talking specifically about writing plays, but her point resonated with me. Basically she argued that if you are still struggling with something after two years, then maybe that is not the story that you need to tell. Maybe it is not your story to tell.

I have so many stories that I began but never finished. I have so many possible plans for books and other writing ideas that I couldn’t follow through. I have also always thought that I have a story that I have yet to discover, a story that truly needs to be told. It grows inside me until someday, I hope, it will burst out of me. The words will speak through me.

I just hope that happens soon.

She also talked about characters speaking through her, rather than her creating them.  I have only had a few moments where that has happened. Where the words and the voice of the character just poured through me and into my fingers. It is a powerful sensation, and one I yearn to feel again.

I want to be open and receptive to that energy.

New Thanks

Much to my surprise, yesterday I was honored with another blogging award. The Inspiring Blog award given to me by Dierdre Coppel from A Story Book World.  Talk about inspiring, Dierdre is an incredibly talented writer and artist who does everything from creating her own artwork (including this beautiful award among others) and interviewing publishers and editors, to writing fantasies and delving into the paranormal. I am truly honored that she chose me for this award. Please go visit her site. You won’t regret it.

New Updates

• My scene seems to be getting good responses. Rumor has it that M.N. might come see it today.
• My panel went well and led to an interesting discussion on the value of theater in general
• I apologize for falling behind on reading this week, but I am proud of myself for regaining a little control over this blogging obsession of mine.
• I actually submitted my Moon Lady, which I’ve really titled “Rebirth of Japan” to an art show. Insanity, I know.

I think that is all for now except that I feel like everyone out there (myself included) needs another  good virtual hug. So here you go (and I know I have used this image before, but how can you go wrong with Calvin and Hobbes?)