Squirrel 2 . . . Oh Wait, That’s Not a Squirrel

Maggie: [little dog that wandered over from the neighbors] I wonder who lives here. Smells good. I hope they come out to say hi. Oh no, there’s a strange human. She seems nice but I’m not so sure. Maybe if I poop she’ll know that this is my place.

She wants to make friends. I’m still not sure. Hey, wait, who’s that trying to get out the window. He must own this human.  Oh no, she’s letting the big guy out. What if he doesn’t like me. I really want to mak friends.

Oh, he’s okay. He’s kind of cute. Wait, here comes another one. How many dogs are there? And here’s another human. She sounds so friendly.

Those dogs seem okay. I’m going to hang out here. But the humans keep saying “Go home!” I don’t want to go home. This is too much fun.

Wait, where did the humans go? Okay, I guess I’ll go home. Bye buddies, see you later!



Jasper: Ooooh, I want one. I want one. Why can’t I climb this tree? What are the furry things with fuzzy tails? They are up there. I know they are up there. I’m gonna get it. I’m gonna get it. Maybe if I jump high enough I can fly. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.

Lizzy: [gives Jasper a scornful look] Leave those silly things alone. Have you seen that little white thing that walks on a leash? I think it might be a dog, but it sure looks funny. I will go explore next time Mommy lets me off the leash. You never get off the leash because you are always chasing things.

Jasper: Oh, oh, oh! But you went after that other thing we saw. You know the one with the shell and four legs. What was it? What was it? I want to get one. And did you taste that yummy squished thing I got yesterday? It had bumps on it. I want one. I want one.

Lizzy: I’m going back inside. You need to chill out. I think it’s time for a nap.

Fairy Dust and Starshine: Necessities of Life


A fairy offering wishes, illustration by John ...

Image via Wikipedia


That’s it! I’ve figured out what one of the major problems is with this world. Too many people have stopped believing in fairies. By this I mean the more general belief in a magical world that is not dictated by our rules of science. We have lost the sense of wonder that comes when you see the twinkling of fireflies on a warm summer night. Yes, I know that there is a scientific explanation for those fireflies (something to do with mating); but isn’t there power in imagining the fireflies are gatherings of stars fallen from the sky? Our world suffers as people focus only on science and logic, and forget fairy dust and starshine.

Now, I’m not saying that we should all live in a fantasy land or ignore the valuable scientific understanding of the universe. I am arguing that welcoming a sense of wonder, and the possibility of events occurring beyond explanations, allows us to feel another important thing–and that is hope. This does not mean we have to believe in a specific god or a specific religion, but it does mean that we should try to believe in possibilities. Once we let those possibilities go, the world becomes routine and mundane. Who really wants to live in a world like that?

So, all fairies and pixies, unicorns and rainbows, ghosts and goblins, star dust and music you are welcome in my home. All of you who want to join me in world full of potential . . . you are very welcome.

Pep Talks From People You Respect

It’s amazing how much better you feel when someone you respect gives you respect back.

Enough said.

Keeping Up Disappearances

I admit, sometimes I choose to disappear. I stop writing; I avoid Facebook (or at least I avoid public appearances on Facebook); I only respond to necessary e-mails; and I censor my calls. I usually do that when I am feeling most out of control with my own emotions. I don’t want to dump those emotions on other people, and I don’t really know how to reach out for help. So I hole up in my inner self and disappear.

BUT, there is a big difference between choosing to disappear to regroup, and being made to disappear. Currently I am facing the latter, and it is making me angry. In a way, though, anger is good because it has made me choose to reappear. I refuse to be made to feel inferior anymore. I know that I am talented. I know that I know my stuff. I know that I have a lot to share. If I’m not welcome, then so be it. I’m going to find my own path. I still don’t know what that path is, but I’m sick of this. So, hello world. I refuse to disappear anymore!!! I’m here to stay.

Looking for Inspiration

I’ve been writing every day. Sometimes several times a day (possibly boring all those who are following my blogs). I have three blogs. Well . . . one of them has been blatantly ignored lately, but that is related to this post. I’ve revised a book, and am working on submitting it. I actually decided to submit to an agent, and I’ve done that. I have tons of stories in the making, and a couple of nonfiction/memoire projects as well. And, I’m completely blocked. I don’t know where to begin.  I feel overwhelmed by my circumstances, worrying about where we will end up, what kind of work can I find, why has my career stalled, and if I’m completely crazy to want to change everything now. And so I’m stuck. I can’t seem to put anything on paper. I can’t focus on anything. I look for paid work, and I freeze. I don’t know what to do, who I am, or where I am going. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and go to sleep. But, “to sleep perchance to dream” . . . we know where that leads me.

It is time for a virtual primal scream. Aaaaaaauuuuuuuggggghhhhhh!

Vivid Screaming

If dreams are supposed to reflect your reality or lead you to your future, I’m in for a hell of a ride. I can’t even explain last nights anti-rest fest. It was a complicated barrage of images that made me feel fearful, angry, sad, hopeless, and ready to fight and tell the word to f%&! off. I have to admit, it is hard to stay focused on fulfillment and happiness when your sleeping mind constantly barrages you with images of failure and frustration.  It’s not the best way to start the day . . .  and the worst part is the feeling that I am going completely insane.

Happiness and Fulfillment


Lightning over the outskirts of Oradea, Romani...

Image via Wikipedia


People are always telling me to envision what I want and then it will manifest itself. Well, I guess that works if you are clear on the details of what you want. I’ve envisioned my heart out for certain jobs, but that hasn’t work. That makes sense in some ways, because if you are picturing a really specific job, there is bound to be someone else out there picturing it too. Imagine energy competing in the sky over head, battles of color and passion competing for one little vision, eventually one of them has to win and the other fades back or is consumed. That is not how I want to live my life. I also think that my envisioning hasn’t been strong enough because of my own doubts about what I want to do with my life. So I realized this morning that I have to change my approach. I am going to focus on the concepts of happiness and fulfillment. While I’m not sure what will make me feel those things, if I focus on them, maybe the details will fall into place.  Repeat after me: Happiness and fulfillment. Happiness and fulfillment. HAPPINESS AND FULFILLMENT!!!!

Do We Ever Really Get Out of High School?

The typical high school show or movie shows the school divided into groups, which supposedly reflects the typical situation in American high schools. Of course, I’ve heard many recent high school grads say that their high school wasn’t like that; they claim their was no division. Even at my last high school reunion, someone I was talking to claimed their were no cliques and that everyone was treated equally. I didn’t reply, but in my head I thought, you would say that because you were one of the popular ones. I was on the fringe of many groups throughout high school, but I don’t know if I really belonged to any of them.

But this blog is not about high school, except that I think that the role a person plays in that hormone-filled microcosm of society doesn’t really change much as we become an adults. Sure we mature, become more confident, make friends from other groups and convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter what other people think of us; but deep down inside we still are the people we were back then. I feel like I’m in high school right now, trying to find a place in a group. I sit at a table in the cafeteria, and the cool kids go to another table. I hang out on the fringe of conversations, not feeling all that welcome to join in. I am shy. I am becoming the me I always was.  I fight against it, but I don’t know that there is anything I can do to stop it. High school is with me now, and always will be.

Any thoughts?

Random Thoughts on a Sunday Morning

I did not want to get out of bed.

The book I’m reading, Trinity, is a little depressing. Especially the line “Ancient people of forty and . . .” 😛

It’s nice seeing Sarah and Nathan work on a puzzle together. I just wish she would work so nicely with me. Sigh.

The dogs are staring at me as I eat my bagel. I guess I’ve raised Jewish dogs.

I really want to color my hair. It looks very blah lately.

Silence is golden, especially when nobody hears you speak anyway.

Can I stay in bed all day? The gray weather says yes, but that probably wouldn’t be such a great idea.

I really want to start writing another novel.

Everything is going to be okay. We will know where we are going before August. One of us, at least, (most likely Nathan) will have a secure position, and our new life will begin.

I wish my mind wouldn’t jump from thought to thought quite so often. It gives me a headache.

Or, if it has to, maybe it could concentrate on only happy thoughts and positive fantasies.

My book is going to be published someday, the first of many.

And the thoughts continue . . .

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