. . . . And the Winner is . . .

A week and a half ago I introduced the epic battle I had entered unwittingly, but went in prepared to fight hoping that, for a change, right. fairness and hard work would win over brute strength and sheer power.

I LOST!!!

The show will go on, a week later. Yes, there are advantages to this, I know. We have more time to rehearse and perfect. More time to gather props and make a truly incredible show.

We also open ourselves to the potential of the royalty holders saying, “no, you can’t do that” and every penny we’ve spent, every man hour  and creative thought, spinning hopelessly down the drain.

Most likely that won’t happen. Most likely we will simply change our dates (making adjustments that affect tons of people along the way), pay more money (woo hoo!) and create a really wonderful production. But I’m still angry!

I am angry at the disrespect this shows! I am angry at continually being treated like some lesser being, who needs to bow down and kowtow to the sports gods. I am angry that sports even surpasses academics half the time; saying they are students only after they fulfill their obligations to KING SPORTS.

I am angry and don’t want to play this game anymore. The battle was lost, the war has just begun.

However, I really need to find a new metaphor so that I can win with creativity, fairness, and peace.

 


Keeping Up Disappearances

I admit, sometimes I choose to disappear. I stop writing; I avoid Facebook (or at least I avoid public appearances on Facebook); I only respond to necessary e-mails; and I censor my calls. I usually do that when I am feeling most out of control with my own emotions. I don’t want to dump those emotions on other people, and I don’t really know how to reach out for help. So I hole up in my inner self and disappear.

BUT, there is a big difference between choosing to disappear to regroup, and being made to disappear. Currently I am facing the latter, and it is making me angry. In a way, though, anger is good because it has made me choose to reappear. I refuse to be made to feel inferior anymore. I know that I am talented. I know that I know my stuff. I know that I have a lot to share. If I’m not welcome, then so be it. I’m going to find my own path. I still don’t know what that path is, but I’m sick of this. So, hello world. I refuse to disappear anymore!!! I’m here to stay.

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