Time to Forgive? (100 WCGU)

This weeks 100 Word Challenge for Grownups is a continuation, of sorts from last week’s challenge. We need to use the last 10 words of someone else’s writing from last week to prompt our response this week. This is also a two-week challenge (because of vacation I think) so I may try to do a few of these. But, for my first one I was instructed to use the piece following mine as my source prompt. Confused yet? Don’t be. The source of my 10 words is called “For Old Times’ Sake” at lorrainfort’s blog. My challenge follows:

Debra looked around the small group of aging women.  “Our class is dwindling,” she whispered to Brian, who gripped her hand more tightly.

“Are you ready for this,” he asked?

“I have to be,” Debra peered through groups of women still recognizable despite the ravages of time. Finally she saw Amy, sitting like a queen bee amidst her followers.  Amy’s eyes widened when she noticed Debra. Debra watched as Amy excused herself and then took hesitant steps in her direction.

“Here she comes,” Brian gave her hand a squeeze and stepped away.

Debra tried to stand tall. What would happen this time? Passionate sharing of youthful memories? would they finally, finally…

 

Resolving to Forgive

Happy New Year World (2010)

The New Year is right around the corner. As usual I have put in the back of my mind the resolution to lose weight, to get healthy, to exercise more, to write more, etc. However, those are promises I’ve been making and breaking too often now, and I just recently recognized that there is one resolution that I must stick to before I can accomplish any of the others.

I am resolving to forgive.

This resolution runs deep, and underlies my ability to succeed in any other resolution I could possible make. This is not just about forgiving others for any perceived wrongs on their, part. This is about forgiving myself for the abuse I have given myself over the years, both mentally and physically.

Thus, my New Year’s Resolution for 2011 is to Forgive.

I forgive myself for the weakness that made me make some poor choices in the past, especially when it came to friends.

I forgive myself for not becoming the person I thought I wanted to be. After all, I may still be wondering what I want to be when I grow up, but the person I am right now is pretty interesting.

I forgive myself for gaining weight and not taking care of myself physically. I can only change that if I can forgive myself for doing it.

I forgive myself for my failures as a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. I know that I have many failings in these ares, but I also have many successes.

I forgive myself for my inability to completely forgive those who have hurt me. At the same time, however, I think I am very close to honestly forgiving if not forgetting.

I also must include in this resolution forgiving myself for the mistakes I have yet to make. I’m finally learning that I dwell too much on mistakes and not enough on achievements. So perhaps part of this New Year’s Resolution is to not just Forgive but to Honor.

That’s it! I hereby resolve to Honor myself  and others throughout the year 2011 as well as the coming years. I also resolve to continue to forgive.

I honor you, my readers. I hope you forgive me for this post.

Later in the day . . .

I spent much of the day reading The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry. It’s a beautiful and intriguing book overall, but the following passage gave me chills as the universe sent me a message:

“All forgiveness is self-forgiveness. . . . But I do not yet know how to forgive. Or who, in the end, really needs to be forgiven. ” (Barry 383)

Learning to Forgive

When the world comes crashing down around you, it seems natural to want to put the blame on someone or something. On the system that let you down. On co-workers who manipulated the system. On your partner. On the universe, or G-d, or some greater power. And, often the hardest to overcome, on yourself.

It is so easy to blame.

It is not so easy to forgive. I have been trying very hard lately to let go of the anger and the blame.  I’ve sent messages out to the universe trying to forgive. But it doesn’s seem to work, because there is one person I cannot seem to forgive. You guessed it, I cannot forgive myself. I feel like I am responsible for the chaos around me (no ego there). I know that, realistically, that is not true, but I blame myself for all my perceived failures. And yet, I know that’s not true. I feel like there are multiple people inside of me battling for supremacy: the talented person who knows that she can and will succeed, the wicked person who seeks revenge, the insecure person who wants to stay in bed and hide, the loving person who does not understand, the hurt child, the strong mom , etc.

How do I learn to forgive all of those selves? How do I learn to forgive others in an honest and true way?  I want to learn to forgive. I really do.

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