Thankful for an Inferiority Complex

Yesterday I got my haircut and Roxanne, my hairdresser, spent a lot of time straightening my hair. While I realize that it looks good that way, I don’t really see myself when I look in the mirror.

Early morning hair this morning, still straight but the curls are trying to come back.

“Don’t go back to curly,” my mom said. “Your hair looks so good straight.”

“I don’t have a choice, Mom. It takes a long time to get it this way.” Well, maybe it’s not that long, but I simply don’t  have the patience to spend the time needed to make my hair behave everyday.

This is what I’m usually dealing with.

Now, I know my mom meant her words as a compliment, but it got me to thinking of all the ways I have felt not good enough or somehow inferior throughout my life.

I have an inferiority complex.

Appearance is just one of the areas where I don’t feel up to snuff. I doubt myself and my ability in all aspects of my life.

But today I realized something. I am THANKFUL for my inferiority complex.

Would I like to wake up every day feeling fully confident and like I can take on the world? Sure, who wouldn’t? But, my self-doubts, my questioning, forces me that much harder to improve, to grow, to challenge myself to do better, to strive for perfection.

My inferiority complex also enables me to help others. Although I sometimes feel jealous, I am genuinely happy when I see someone else surpass me to come out on top. perhaps because I don’t believe that I’ll ever really get there. I recognize that I ‘m good at helping others achieve their goals. That’s nothing to feel bad about.

Of course, the question then becomes, what is “top”? What does it mean to be “good enough”?  I am starting to revise my own definition of that, and realize that my best can indeed be good enough, even if nobody else sees me that way.

I am not inferior, I am myself.

So today, on a day when people reflect on what it means to be thankful, I want to acknowledge that I am truly thankful for my FLAWS because they have made me who I am today.

And that is someone who is, indeed, good enough. From there, everything can only get better.

The imperfect fairy house I built. I think fairies will still love it, don’t you?

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