Seeking Strength

“Your living isn’t determined by what life brings to you as it is by the attitude you bring to your life.” (Sherrilyn Kenyon)

Precarious piles
of unbalanced worries
fragile and threatening.
Be cautious
Slowly you make your way through
One step at a time
before
everything
topples
burying you beneath
things you cannot change
dreams you have not found
worries that belong to you
but also someone else.
A mind lost
A lump found
an expense building
a government crumbling
a world gone mad
A hope–
empty
A future–
unsure.
Yet at the base of the pile
Underneath the wispy papers
and the collapsing packages
lies the strength of belief
in yourself
in justice
in dreams
in words.
Sometime your strength wavers
Yet it cannot fade. It lies within you,
and is the foundation for all. The pile will not fall.

Image by Roger Boulay

Battling Boggarts Part II

Riddikulus!” I yell at the form that hovered by me yesterday, but the spell did not work. Why? Because this time the boggart took the shape of myself.

Before I explain, I would like to refer you back to my original Battling Boggarts where I took on a few of the things that torture me and changed them with a flick of my wrist.

But how do you do that, when your biggest enemy is yourself?

As you know, I flew to Seattle yesterday. This is partially a mini-vacation for myself, but the pretense to get me here was to attend a conference called One Theatre World organized by TYA/USA the American branch of a larger international organization. This is the world that I am supposed to belong to. This is the world that my degrees and my passion for theater and its power as an educational and social tool is supposed to be part of my community.

Why don’t I feel like I belong?

The first people I ran into were some of my mentors. They both run companies that I studied and included in my dissertation. I admire both of them for their work and their passion.

When they asked me where I am and what I am doing, I stuttered like a fool. I blushed to say “I’m in Kansas” (remember, many of the locals ask, “how did you END UP here?”) I couldn’t claim my work with pride and confidence.

Why can’t I ? Why am I so hard on myself.

I want to flick the wand at my self doubts and my fears and turn them into something else.

I want my face to be on this woman

Image from Allsorts 2005

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