“Cease trying to work everything out with your minds. It will get you nowhere. Live by intuition and inspiration and let your whole life be Revelation.”
Eileen Caddy“I always think it’s interesting to dig a little bit deeper every time you go to someplace that seems like a revelation or a strong connection to an emotional truth.”
I spent the last week in a land of revelations that included:
- reconnecting with old friends and making a few new;
- rediscovering the passion and power of doing art for and with young people;
- realizing that the academic mold that I tried to fit myself into does not
- reinvigorating my desire to create and do good work
- and realizing, that I have no idea how to do this.
Seriously, I discovered all of these wonderful things, but they aren’t really new discoveries. I’ve known for a long time that something has to change in my life, so that I can feel more fulfilled and help my family be happier. That’s not news. I’ve known for a long time that, in some ways, my education has failed me or I’ve failed my education (depending on my mood when I think about this). So that’s not news. I’ve known forever that I want to create and do good work and change the world through theater and passion. So that’s not news. This past week has served to make this more concrete; to make me recognize that the change has to come from within me. That I have to initiate the changes I want to see.
But how do I do that?
Facts:
- I need to help support my family
- My education simultaneously makes me overqualified and underqualified for many of the jobs out there.
- We don’t currently have any back up (financially) for me to just take off and explore my options.
- I still seem to be stuck in searching for jobs in academia because I don’t know how to break out of that.
I know, I know. All of those facts sound like excuses. I don’t want them to be that. I really want to figure this out. I simply don’t know where to begin. I’m trying be open to living “by intuition and inspiration” but my own fears often get in the way.
So, my friends in the blogosphere, help a girl out. What next?
More Inspirational Quotes from outside Seattle Children's Theatre
Woman Wielding Words 
May 16, 2011 @ 10:02:06
The positive is that you have got a list & are aware of lots of things. I suspect you need to look for employment out side academia just to see what is there & if you can manage financially. Although you must feel quite stuck at times, it is also a very exciting place to be!
May 16, 2011 @ 10:25:31
Much easier said then done of course. Ah lists. I actually think that I need to make some more lists to figure this out. I am a person who can think creatively and face challenges in different ways, except when it comes to myself. I seem to function better if I have a deadline. I don’t need a boss so much as a looming deadline that says–all work done NOW!. So, during this week I hope to set up a list for myself, of all the goals and dreams and hopes, and then include some deadlines. Not deadlines as in–you must have your new career by _____(that is a recipe for failure) but deadlines for small steps in the many projects floating through my head. Deadlines for research and writing and making contacts. Maybe more lists will get me throught. You are so right, this is an exciting place to be!
May 16, 2011 @ 10:29:25
You are constantly evolving and working on the process which is a good thing. After all your hard work in this area, I would think just to surrendering to the process and trusting intuition would be the next step. I also wrote about evolution in the form of gardens today. It was actually a writing assignment.
But no work outside today – cold again, and rainy.
May 16, 2011 @ 10:32:12
Good quotes, love Carly Simon! Anyway, I don’t have any bombshell fab advice as I struggle with the same thing but I think a list is a great starting point. I heard a motivaitonal speaker the other say and he suggested making a collage of your dreams and putting it up on the wall and they will be achieved! Find out what you want and go after it, you can do it!
May 16, 2011 @ 10:38:02
I started one of those collages once, and it gathered dust in the corner. I may try again. It doesn’t surprise me that you struggle with the same thing, long lost twin from a different parent, continent, and generation. 😉
May 16, 2011 @ 10:56:54
Start in your local theater group. Make time at night to work on productions, write a script about something you’re passionate about. Help raise money for the group. Mentor young actors. Eventually, you’ll find a niche there that can’t live without you.
May 16, 2011 @ 12:21:56
I kind of do all that, but I need to do more. I have a play in mind right now that I am going to start working on in addition to a fiction book. If I can get organized and stop scaring myself that is.
May 16, 2011 @ 12:07:35
Stay positive and a new opportunity will hopefully present itself to you….hopefully very soon. 🙂
May 16, 2011 @ 12:32:18
Trying to stay positive. Right now I am positively not accomplishing anything, but at least I’m positive about it. 🙂
May 16, 2011 @ 14:19:20
Love the Carly Simon quote!
I think being open and willing is the biggest thing. You’ll end up in exactly the right spot 🙂
May 16, 2011 @ 15:35:22
One thing that jumped out at me last week was your concern about the misspelling of your name in the program in connection with an award you received at some point in the past.
As long as we are focused on our reputation with others, especially in connection with recognition for past accomplishments, we drown out our ability to hear what we need to hear . . . right here, right now.
Tuning into spirit, inner wisdom, and intuition, requires that we tune out the incessant demands of ego for approval and accolades from others.
May 16, 2011 @ 17:15:27
Ah, that was day one of the conference. But I have already traveled many miles since that day, and am open to something else. 😉
May 16, 2011 @ 18:09:08
Yay! It sounds as if you have traveled a ways along the path. 😀
May 16, 2011 @ 15:48:02
Lisa, I’m right there with you. I’m in such a funk, that I hardly recognize myself these days.
I feel like I hit a mid-life crisis. We both got laid off and now that my husband has a new job, it requires him to travel frequently and having young children, makes it impossible for me to find a new job that will pay more than child care. Yet, I have to find a way to start bringing money in to cover the utlities and association dues. The Unemloyement checks have officially stopped and I’m quickly running out of my savings.
I feel your angst. I worked so hard and gained annual raises and did everything right according to what my bosses expected and now those kind of jobs are paying minimum wage.
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
Lake Forest, CA
May 16, 2011 @ 17:13:43
Something will happen. We really do just have to stay positive.
May 16, 2011 @ 17:19:58
I’m very sorry that you’re feeling so stymied in your search for satisfying ways to contribute to your family’s finances. It seems that the financial aspects of living and staying afloat in this society are the aspects that run so contrary to finding happiness, for all of us.
Because you asked for input, I wonder if one of your lists could be absolutely personal– not about employment or changing the world or making your family happier. I know that those are great things to strive for that can be fulfilling when they are achieved, but if we ignore the intensely personal, those things can also feel hollow when achieved. I think that’s part of why so many rich people are so unhappy even though they have the money to follow their bliss, if only they knew what it was. Try to discover what YOU really want out of life and why. It doesn’t matter what it is, and if you don’t like what you discover, you don’t have to tell everybody. But it tells you a lot about yourself and what you need. If what you want out of life just for yourself is clear and you just can’t have it because of money or family commitments, you could search for a way to honor that for a couple hours a week. If the answer isn’t clear to you, you may actually be on a search to “find yourself.” That’s a different search with more potential paths than just those that concern employment.
My most recent post, Brilliance After Darkness, is about a theater group whose process is about honest self discovery, and then looking out into the world with the same honesty and after seeing it, still finding ways to love, and care, and be. Part of me is envious that these young people are finding ways to identify their centers and be comfortable with themselves now, because besides creating their art, the whole experience of being allowed to think and feel truthfully about themselves, is something that many of us aren’t familiar with and weren’t allowed to take part in. Once we’re thrust into the world of doing things by the numbers (doing what’s expected) it’s hard to understand that we need that time to just be who we are.
I don’t know if any of this is helpful, but I hope it is. Take care of yourself.
May 16, 2011 @ 17:35:11
That is all very helpful because it is the path I’m trying to take. I have really been working on figuring out what makes me feel fulfilled, and what makes me happy. I can’t completely forget the concerns of finances, but in reality I want to pursue the dreams without worry for that. That has been part of my struggle all along, because the “secure” world of academia leaves me empty now, and isn’t really that secure. While I have never really completely figured out my other paths, and fear has often held me back, I know that that is where I am heading.
May 16, 2011 @ 17:59:11
Wish I had some sage words for you, but I have been saying Now What? since I graduated from High School! But seeing as I am late in commenting, seems all the good things to say have been said anyway! Just remember that there is a “still small voice” inside telling you exactly what to do. The problem is all the outside noise that keeps drowning out the voice. Put on some headphones and blinders and allow yourself to hear that “still small voice”. You will arrive where you are going. This I guarantee.
May 17, 2011 @ 05:35:51
Know that lots of people are praying for you, thinking of you, rooting for you… things come along when you’re ready for them. Be open, and talk to people about moving on to new things. Hang in there.
May 17, 2011 @ 07:50:53
I’m feeling the support and it is a wonderful feeling. Thank you.