Battling Boggarts Part II

Riddikulus!” I yell at the form that hovered by me yesterday, but the spell did not work. Why? Because this time the boggart took the shape of myself.

Before I explain, I would like to refer you back to my original Battling Boggarts where I took on a few of the things that torture me and changed them with a flick of my wrist.

But how do you do that, when your biggest enemy is yourself?

As you know, I flew to Seattle yesterday. This is partially a mini-vacation for myself, but the pretense to get me here was to attend a conference called One Theatre World organized by TYA/USA the American branch of a larger international organization. This is the world that I am supposed to belong to. This is the world that my degrees and my passion for theater and its power as an educational and social tool is supposed to be part of my community.

Why don’t I feel like I belong?

The first people I ran into were some of my mentors. They both run companies that I studied and included in my dissertation. I admire both of them for their work and their passion.

When they asked me where I am and what I am doing, I stuttered like a fool. I blushed to say “I’m in Kansas” (remember, many of the locals ask, “how did you END UP here?”) I couldn’t claim my work with pride and confidence.

Why can’t I ? Why am I so hard on myself.

I want to flick the wand at my self doubts and my fears and turn them into something else.

I want my face to be on this woman

Image from Allsorts 2005

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. madelinelaughs
    May 11, 2011 @ 10:14:51

    Do you remember when everyone got sick of the scene in Hollywood and started going places like Denver and Taos and then suddenly *those* places became the ones to be seen and heard in?

    You need to make Kansas into your Denver. 🙂 Make them feel like to not be in Kansas is to not be hip to what’s new and happening. Besides, it’ll be fun for you to watch their reaction.

    Reply

    • Lisa Wields Words
      May 11, 2011 @ 10:27:03

      I like that idea. I just have to convince myself first. 😉 By the way, I’m hoping to get my first post for Spread Information from this trip.

      Reply

  2. vixter2010
    May 11, 2011 @ 10:33:19

    I only know Kansas from Wizard of Oz 🙂 That self doubting Boggart needs to disappear Lisa, you are far too hard on yourself. You have achieved so much!

    Reply

  3. nrhatch
    May 11, 2011 @ 13:49:19

    When we’re comfortable in our own skin, we care much less what others think of how we choose to live our lives.

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

    So the trick is to be able to say, “Who I am is Who I want to Be.” Then we don’t give one whit about impressing others. And if they look at us with scorn and derision, we LAUGH at their shallow reliance on Ego’s yardstick as a benchmark for success.

    How do we get from HERE to THERE?

    We focus on being as HAPPY as we can be, right here, right now. We focus on integrating what we Be, Do, and Think. We stop trying to please others and we please ourselves.

    Enjoy the journey!

    Reply

  4. Taochild
    May 11, 2011 @ 15:29:28

    Perception is everything. Even when looking in the mirror.

    There is a trick that counselors use when helping someone with eating disorders such as anorexia. They will have the anorexic person draw a life size outline of how they perceive themselves on a large piece of paper. Then they will have the person lie down in the outline they drew, and actually trace their bodies. As you may imagine, there will be a significant difference between the perception and the reality.

    So look in the mirror and go ahead and flick that wrist. The mirror will shimmer for a sec and voila … the real you!

    Reply

  5. Trackback: Who I Am . . . Is Who I Want To Be « Spirit Lights The Way

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